Wednesday, October 15, 2008

When Bad Guys Want Your Personal Info, They Should At Least Research Their Grammar!

I got home this afternoon and checked my e-mail. I had several! One, however, was not welcome. I usually trash these. I get one every couple days. I don’t usually even bother to glance at them. Today, I saw “FBI” in the subject line. Since we are in the midst of an adoption, it piqued my interest. I went ahead and opened it after the security software had perused it and I verified that there was no attachment. This is what I found.


FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI) AND UNITED NATION (UN) ON FINANCIAL MATTERS
WEST AFRICA ZONE
ECOWAS TOWERS COTONON BENIN
Hot line: +229 97 96 91 14 11


Dear beloved citizen in God we trust!
We have watch and monitored all the ups and downs in your fund payment with Benin for a period of time now and our observations is very sad to say.
Sequel to the above we have obtained permission from Mr. President Benin Republic to handle your payment in order to rescue you from further lost and waste of time.
All the modalities to put smile again in your face has been worked out, you are required to reconfirm the below for onward payment of your money.
1.Your full name:-----------------------------
2.Your current contact address: --------------
3.Nationality:-------------------------------
4.Your direct phone number(s) ----------------
5.Your Occupation :---------------------------
6.Gender:------------------- Age:-------------
7.Your due owned sum:-------------------------
Dear beloved citizens in order to achieve our very aim, we urge that you stop further correspondence with any other office(s) or body(ies) that claims to be in charge of your payment.
Special Agent Mark Jefferson
For the FBI/UN Rescue Team


So, let me get this straight: The Federal Bureau of Investigation (Mind you this is a bureau that minds the nation’s interior(The US) and should have no contact with other nations, let alone United Ones) and the United Nations have a special team that works on “financial matters”…in…West Africa?

OK, say I believe that, what about the next line: “Dear beloved citizen in God we trust.” Does that mean the person who wants my personal information thinks I live in a dollar bill? Or is that just a sly West African was of calling me an American? What fund payments have they been watch(ing) and monitoring? Not anything from me.

This really gets me, the President of Benin gave someone permission to take my money to “RESCUE” me from “further lost and waste” time. So, help me here, if I pay them, they will save me from ever wasting time again? Sounds like something I am NOT interested in. Anyone who knows me knows I like to waste more than a little time.

Despite its “sequel to the above” status, I think I will decline to reply.

The next part, “All the modalities to put a smile again in your face,” bugs me also. I don’t mind stuffing my face with chocolate, ice cream, or, well, anything food related. Smiles are not normally chocolate covered, and I am not interested if someone is going to put it in my face, so I will decline THIS offer too!

Now, they want the personal information...all very useful (If you plan on stealing my identity, I guess), but how am I supposed to know what I owe them? Don’t they know? They sent me the e-mail, they should know my account information…right? Or maybe they think I am in debt and I want them to be my creditor?

This last part kills me: In order for them to achieve their aims (parting me from my money) they urge that I stop sending bodies to other offices? Is that a correct reading of that statement? Well, it was a funnier reading than the original. The closing signature seems to indicate that the FBI/UN needs a rescue team…but that may just be me again.
THANK YOU SPECIAL AGENT MARK JEFFERSON!!

Last time I got one of these, I was a bit irritated and started a letter that said that the Federal Bureau of Investigation had been forwarded the e-mail I received and would be investigating it with haste, since its obvious purpose was the illegal use of information contained in any reply. I ended it by using that automated closing line…you know, this is an automated message, please do not reply…I think we should all have a pat reply similar to that and see how long the bastards continue to waste our inbox space. Grrr-rrr.
That is almost as annoying as the call I got from someone offering me prescription drugs that I did not even have prescriptions to!

5 comments:

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

You are brave.. I would not have opened that..lol.
I thought you were reading "BABY NAMES"..
or maybe Cora said you were napping...lol.
John was too that is okay..
Have a Great Day tomorrow..

Cora said...

That is too funny i think agent Jefferson (if that is his real name, LOL) needs to go back to 2nd Grade english class

Erin said...

My stupid sister got an e-mail from an "Africian Princess" that was pleading with her to just loan her $400 American dollars to get to America and escape the terror or some crap of her country. When she arrived she would pay millions to my sister. I had to actually yell and convince my sister that it was a scam, she was going to do it! But I am guaranteed Millions! she would say. Stupid Moron.

Grandma said...

We must have the reputation of beig the dumbest creatures on the planet. I get stupid mail like that too, but not from the FBI yet.

blissfullycaffeinated said...

LOL!!! I love that the guy who wrote that garbled, convoluted letter that actually said "dear beloved ciitizen" twice ('cause don't we all call each other beloved citizen?) is named Mark Jefferson. That makes it sound legit. Really.

"All the modalities to put smile again in your face..." LOLOL!

That's hilarious.