Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Arthropods Suck

Ants. I hate ants. I am speaking of the insect, not your Aunt Bessy. ( I am really quite fond of parents’ sisters.) I got home today and began to empty the garbage, because I had forgotten to this morning. As I pulled it out from under the sink I noticed the coffee grounds were moving. I have hated ants since they raised their ugly little feelers shortly after we moved in. OK, they come because I am a pig. I leave stuff on the counter that I shouldn’t. I can’t stop. I can only prolong the amount of time it takes before I forget and leave some sugar on the counter. Maybe I hate them because I hate my own pigginess. Nevertheless, when they come into the house, I feel an inhuman rage that makes me go to extreme lengths to kill each and every one of them. This afternoon, it was simply to take the garbage out, then come back in and spray the hell out of the under-sink area with poison. I would use explosives, but Cora thinks we will need some resale value from the house. I have bombed the house…the underside. I have used nasty home remedies. I have even attempted to squish the little bastards, one-by-one. The only thing is the little bastards stink. They appear to be what people call sugar ants…which, I am assuming, is because they like sugar, not because of how they taste. (NO, I have not tasted them, but if you give me your name and address, I will send you an un-poisoned sample to try. Then you can get back to me. It is in the name of science, so I am expecting a large number of you to request ant samples.) They appear to come from nowhere. Then they disappear again.

On the bright side, this is Tuesday! Deadliest Catch is on. So, I get to watch men on boats causing the deaths of arthropods! (Did you know that Arthropoda is the largest phylum of animals? It includes crustaceans, insects, and spiders to name but a few. An ant is an insect, which is an arthropod. Therefore, logically, Deadliest Catch is about killing ants. I love that show.)

I taught Kinders today. What a joy. Only one timeout. I asked the child after several chances, what I should do with him. He answered, quietly, and with a little remorse, “Send me to time out.” It was all I could do to send him without laughing. I love it. They are so sweet at that age!

Well, Cora is Bass Fishing via Wii…I think I will try to join her expedition.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Way to go. Fishing can calm the savage beast inside you. I don't know about computer/TV fishing but maybe it can prove to be a quiet sport. As far as Kinders, children will always try to come out one step ahead of you. Betty A. said her kinders were a hand full today but then they were getting ready for Mother Day Sunday. If you need advice about ANTS call your auntie Bert since she has the same type of ants come to visit her too. She has lived there since the mid 80's and sugar ants are her biggest headache. Thursday we get to have Mr. Eli all day to ourselves. His mother says no spoiling him and not to give him everything he wants. That should be no problem. We will just love him and go have some fun. We too watched the Deadliest Catch tonight. What a big bunch of babies. Whinners and spoiled brats....well better go for now. Mom

Anonymous said...

Hey I was first tonight. WOW MOM

Cora said...

I am the king fisher woman 20lb Bass beat that Huffman!

Cora said...

Oh yeah the ants need to DIE!!

grandma the aunt hater said...

You don't hate the little varmits anymore than I do. I'm talking about the ants, not the kinders.
One time my pantry was invaded with them. They just come from nowhere. If I leave Minnies dish on the floor after she eats they get in it. I don't think there is any truly getting rid of them. They may leave, but their relatives soon show up. My pet peeve!! I should write a blog about it.