Kinder Madness Among Others

So, here are a few things I heard today in the kindergarten class I was subbing in:

• I have a rainbow fish at home.
• Aidan is calling me, "dude!" and I don't like it.
• I'm already ready for recess.
• Brenden says L-E-A-V-E-S spells level, but it spells leaves!
• Is it time to go home, yet?

Oh, and here's a gem:

• Child comes up to me and hugs me around my waist without warning. I pry child off, and ask why are you hugging me. "Because I love you." OK, I answer, "Go do your work."
• Same child sneaks up beside me 20 minutes later and begins poking me in the side. I move to avoid this, and ask, why are you poking me? "Because I love you."

Ah, the joy and logic of kinders!

Speaking of logic, I thought I might share some of the keywords people have used to find my blog in the past few months.

• 30 people searched for "Billy Mays must die."
• 13 searched for "Awesomeness is free."
• Aparently 8 people are interested in "Stupid Fish Names."

But lets ignore how many people dislike Billy Mayes, even though I agree wholeheartedly with them. I bet when he writes emails he uses ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! AND !EXCLAMATION!! POINTS!!!! I don't think I would want him s a friend...unless he was handing out cash, and even then, I would be forced to ask him to use his "inside voice." Let's take a look at some of the slightly less mainstream items that somehow brought up my site:

• Peanut Jeff-fa-fa

I gues I am not the only one who likes Dunham.

• Fresh turkey smell

Really, on my blog?

• Husband cuts my hair

I am happy for her, but why is she searching for that?

• A fresh turkey will smell

It will? Why are you searching for this if you are so sure? And what will it be sniffing for? Food?

• A loss for words

Me too.

• Are Mondays good days

I guess it depends on whether you work or not. You wouldn't be asking if you did.

• Baby name smart dorky ansel

Now that's going to be one confused kid.

• Cat scissor cut accidental

Hah! I am not the only one!!

• Hey baby you wanna oxi clean my kaboom

Now, I think you are talking dirty to Billy Mays...

• Grandma Movies

Or...maybe grandmothers...

• How much plutonium 235 was in fat baby

Ok, dude, did you know that Plutonium bombs use Pu-241? It's also Uranium 235 they use in bombs...and did you also know that the bomb was called Fat Man and the other was Little Boy! Further, just because a baby is portly, why do you think he is full of heavy radioactive metal?

• I wish billy mays would shut up

Me too!

• Love is disappointmet haunted all of my dreams

What? Is that supposed to be lyrics of a song?

• Thoroughly Thinking

I'm glad someone is.

• Turkey fresh smell

The NEW GLADE scent!

• Wine glass dish tip

For what?

• Wish wedding never happened

Probably because you were asking for wine glass dish tips. He obviously realized you were an idiot.

So, there you have it. I'm out of stuff to say...well, that's not true, but I gotta go do stuff.