I hate BILLY MAYS! “CALL NOW AND YOU”LL GET THE HANDY STICK UP LIGHT! THAT’S A GREAT DEAL, BUT, CALL IN THE NEXT FEW MINUTES AND YOU’LL GET TWO HANDY STICK UP LIGHTS!!!” Ok, I know those bastards want to make a sale. I understand how economics and sales gimmicks work, but I cannot stand BILLY MAYS!!! I know I am not the only one. (looks like Mays actually commented on this one)
There are few people that I would ever wish bodily harm upon, Billy Mays, however, is an exception. It would be a pity if he ever lost his voice.
Billy, in the unlikely event that you read my blog, I am sorry, you just have the most annoying voice I have ever heard, and it makes me angry. I want to throttle small animals when I hear your voice. I want to take the heads off of Barbie Dolls when you talk about Orange Glo. I feel like biting the heads off of small birds when you explain how to polish the scratches out of my car. I want to hack antiques to pieces when I hear you talk about Oxi-Clean! When you speak of Kaboom it makes me want to eat my young (I have no young…and that’s probably Billy Mays’ fault, too!)!
I suspect I am not alone. If I were a betting man, and I am not, but if I were, I would bet that your voice has caused much of the violence in the civilized world in the past 10 years. Why did the terrorists attack the World Trade Center? No, not because of American influence during the Cold War. No, not because they just don’t like us. And No, not because we have a different religious belief than them. It is because somewhere, one night, very late, a group of Islamic Fundamentalists were sitting watching Al Jazira and one of your info-mercials came on. One suspects it was not the first time, but this time, something snapped. They just decided the best way to shut your mouth was to hit you in your tower (I am not saying terrorists are the brightest)…unfortunately you were not in the World Trade Center. I am not in any way making light of 9/11 (I think it was a horrid, sad day, and a disaster for many, many families. My heart goes to those families.), I just think that if certain religious people can blame Hurricane Katrina on the wickedness of the residents of New Orleans, I can blame 9/11 on you Billy Mays.
I am not asking you to die…though some might, and it would pretty much take care of the problem…I am only asking you to take up a profession where you don’t have to talk. For the love of god, please quit coming on my TV and speaking. Well, maybe if you tried speaking rather than shouting, I might not hate you so much. Give it a shot!