Stupid Hurts

"Everybody knows the world is full of stupid people, so meet me at the mission at midnight and we'll divy up there." "Been around the world, and found that only stupid people are breeding, the cretins cloning and feeding, and I don't even own a tv" These are lyrics to songs that were popular some years ago. The truth is, there are stupid people out there and they affect you and me. It is only a matter of time before one of them wanders into you personal space and tries to suck you into their world of dumb.

I have known many stupid people. I know what you are thinking, "Jim, you should not judge people like that." All I have to say is, "Yes, I judge others alot, but how else am I supposed to feel superior?" but, besides that, which is usually done in the spirit of fun, there are bonafide, certified, no-doubt-about-it stupid people wandering around as I write this. Chances are you know one of them. It is unlikely you are one of them, since you are reading my blog.

Stupid people walk into truck stops and ask if they have a bathroom. Chances are they are standing below the restroom sign. Stupid people ask about the obvious. Someone asked the other day what mountain that was. He has lived here his entire life and never thought to ask which mountain looks down over the valley in which he lives? You mean that BIG one? "Uh, yeah, is it Mount Rainier?" My answer was simple, "What other mountain would it be?" Apparently, said Mensa member had never looked at a map of the state of Washington. There is yet another idiot I work with on occasion, and I do not fear he will see my site because I am fairly confident he could not type his own name, could not figure out the most obvious of things. Actually, I have two stories about this particular idiot. (bear with me, I need to get my annoyance with idiots and stupid people out before Tuesday, for reasons I am not allowed to explain.)

First, last year, this idiot needed to glue some carpet down. I don't remember why he needed me to be there, but I was there. Everyone is familiar with those tubes they use to dispense caulk. At the very least, you have seen them. OK, so, they have the nozzle that you need to clip the tip off of. Pretty simple. Even the moron got that one. But, nothing would come out. What is the first thing you would do? Me? I would look down the hole. If I did not see something coming out, which is what the problem was for the genius (Obviously, I use genius with some frivolity in this post) but he did not look down the hole...he just kept trying to read the package. I told him there was probably some foil or other seal holding it back, so just go get a nail and poke a hole in it. He gave me that incredulous look you see in idots around the world when they hear somethin that reeks of reason or logic. He continued to try to read the small print. He said to me, "it does not say to do that." We argued about that for about ten minutes before he finally got a nail and poked it...low and behold, the gorilla glue began to come out...what was so difficult??????? I am not EVEN kidding or exaggerating about the TEN minutes he spent arguing that because it was not in the instructions, he should not do it.

Just a couple weeks ago he stopped to use one of the vans. This particular van has a switch under the hood that prevents the battery from running down. The switch is large and in plain sight. It says "ON" and "OFF" on it. When you open the hood, which is not difficult to find the latch to, you see this large switch out in the open. All you do is turn it to "ON" and close the hood. Jump in and start her up like any other vehicle. He has been working there for a few years longer than I. He has been a maintenance sub before. He has operated that particular van before (He admitted it). He needed me to show him how to do it...then, it has a lift gate.

The lift gate is somewhat difficult to get into place...not in theory, just in practice. You have to shove it into just the right spot. When it is folded up, in the position it always is, the handle is EASY to see. It just sort of sits there, a handle out of place...er...in place, whatever. He needed me to show him the handle. Then explain why it was used...I sware I lose braincells when he is around.

It is amazing to me that people such as this are capable of breathing and walking at the same time, and maybe they can't, maybe all they do is take deep breaths and stop often. I don't know. How did these people NOT get put into an institution? How did they avoid "Special classes?" There must be several villages missing their idiots.

It is fortunate that many people are NOT stupid. If there were more stupid people than there are (NO, NOT THAT!), the world population would reach a critical mass of stupid and perhaps all of us would file, one by one, into the ocean to our deaths, a la lemmings! Oh, the humanity...I don't think I can extend to my readers just how stupid people irritate and annoy and just make me want to pull my hair out. I also want to note that I am not a particularly great mind, I just can't abide stupid. There are many sayings about stupid people: I See Stupid People, Stupid Hurts, You Can't Fix Stupid, Stupid is as Stupid Does, and You Can't Polish a Turd (that last may not entirely apply to stupid people). Now I know why some animals eat their young.