What???

I like people.  I try to be positive about those around me most of the time.  Yeah, I have my judgmental side that ridicules others for the shear joy of feeling better than them, but usually, I am better than that and I can control it. Today, I just had to ask, though, what the heck??? (I had other, more R-rated words, but, I try to keep this a family oriented blog)

I had a pretty good day.  I taught at WHS and was appreciated for my awesomeness.  I know this because high school students have not located their "inside voice," yet, even after 10 years of schooling.  I heard, "YEE-ESS! This is my favorite sub!"  and , "This guy is Sooo awesome!"  I looked up, but they looked the other way.  I knew they were afraid I'd heard.  Nah, that's not true, I don't think they cared.

I then left and sold three color books at the El, and found that I need to bring 12 books tomorrow!  Wow, shaping up to be a good day!

I needed to go into town to get a battery for Cora's key to her car (you should ask her, because I am certain she would not want me to tell you, in all the gory and embarrassing details that I can make up!  Maybe she'll write about it if you ask.).

I got the battery for her key and then went to deposit some checks and got some groceries.  It was when I was getting groceries that I had my WTF moment.  I had been through the store and gotten what I needed (you know, stir fry ingredients and wine, duh!)  I went to the checkout stand.  Ahead of me was a gentleman, harried looking but not out of the ordinary.  Behind me was an older lady, apparently with her grandson.  I grabbed the little divider thingy and put it up so she could put her groceries up.  She looked harried, too.

It was then that I looked at her grandchild.  A little boy devil.  I took a step back.  He was trying to "help" his grandmother.  She told him "thanks, but she didn't need his help."  He started to be more annoying, but paused and looked at her, then said he wanted his mom.  Instead of crying, he simply pushed past me, and the guy in front of me, to a lady I hadn't really noticed.  SHE is the reason I had my WTF moment.

It was her eyebrows.  They...they...well, they weren't there.  I mean, her REAL eyebrows weren't there.  they were gone.  Off to realms and countries unknown.  Who knows, perhaps she had done the luge in Vancouver and left them there.  The point is, there were no eyebrow hairs on her rather homely head.

That isn't what was worst.

It was...

...


It was what had taken their place.  She had, sometime during the day (probably when her mother wasn't looking at her, but at her daughter's devil's spawn) taken some sort of writing implement and ...if you are squeamish, you may want to skip a paragraph...and...

and...drawn them on herself!

WHY GOD, WHY?!?

They were not in the right place.  You know, where eyebrows usually hang out (The cool ones, at least).  These, these were...about half-way up her forehead!  As though she were in a constant state of surprise!  She could have a frown on her face...and STILL look surprised.  She could have looked surprised that she was surprised.  She probably slept surprised.  It was...more than I could take.  I had to look away.  When I looked back the cashier had told her to have a good afternoon.  The lady looked surprised.        

I left as soon as I could.  The rest of the evening went...well, I guess I wasn't surprised, but it was a good night.

It Expired WHEN?!

We have been trying to save money by not going out as much and keeping down grocery bills and cutting out some other things we do.  We have been doing pretty good.  Tonight, after a month of eating in  (and not counting this weekend when we were in the tri-cities), we decided to splurge and have pizza.  We went with the take and bake option.

While there, I decided to bring some beer home to go with the pizza.  I walked in.  I chose an appropriate selection.  I walked to the counter.  I pulled out my card.  I was about to swipe my card.  The evil lady behind the counter asked to see my ID.  I opened up my wallet and showed her.  She said fine.  I began to put it away.  She said, "May I see it again?"  Getting mildly annoyed I said yes and showed her again.  She said, "It's expired."  I summoned a word from my best, most intelligent sounding vocabulary list and said, "What?"  I happened to know for a fact it won't expire until my birthday!  HA!

I glanced at my license.  I glanced again.  And it was then that I saw the place where she was pointing.  It said 2009.  I stared blankly and then it dawned on me.  this year is...(drum roll please) ...(hey, my thought processes are kinda slow, ok?)...2010!  SHIT!  It's 2010!  This thing says it expired in 2009!  Hey!  That's like last year!

The lady behind the counter would not let me enjoy this startling realization, let alone share it.  She simply looked at me disappointedly.  Actually, now that I consider it, she might have been looking at me accusingly.  She took the beer and put it behind the counter.  "I can't sell this to you."

Normally, I might have put up a fight.  At that moment, I was...taken by surprise.  I fled the store.  OK, not so much fled, but it may have been taken as such.  Actually, I was lost in the idea that I could have been using an expired ID for almost a year.  I have been to the liquor store numerous times.  I even had my license copied for a couple jobs.  I had to show it to the state for my background check.  What I am saying is I've had it looked at MANY times.  NOT JUST ME!  Lots of people have seen it.  NO ONE.  NADA!  ZIP!  ZILCH!  NOT ONE PERSON noticed.  I was sure it wasn't due to expire until this year.

Yeah...this is gonna be a good year.    

Let's Go Camping at Midnight in the SNOW!

O.K., I have a problem with husbands who kill their wives and think they can get away with it. Well, actually, I have a problem with people who kill their wives. Hmmm, actually, killing is probably a bad idea anyway you look at it. DON'T do it!

Scott Peterson is probably THE ONE we think of when it comes to unsuccessful wife murderer. There have been a few others, but how about this guy in Utah? I didn't think Peterson was innocent when it all began, and he had a better alibi than this guy. He went fishing during the day...people do that. Utah guy went camping in the snow at midnight, with his kid.

WHO decides to go camping at the last minute? At midnight? In the snow? with a kid? That's right, nobody with no body (you like that turn of phrase? I am particularly proud of that one!).

What living wife let's her husband do that shit with a young kid? Yep, that's right, even the worst baby mommas in the world are probably more protective of their children than a dead lady!

Come on man, just own up to it and go to jail peacefully.

Oh, and people! Stop killing each other! It's the holidays for cryin' out loud!

Electronic Rights

Phooey on you! Stupid copyrights people! I bought a song a few months ago. LEGALLY. I wanted to listen to it last night, but my music player told me I no longer had the usage rights for it. Nowhere in the stuff I looked at when I was downloading it did it say you are paying for temporary usage rights. The site I download it from said that the problem may be temporary or may be permanent. Basically, they no longer have the rights to distribute the song. But they did a few months ago...when I bought it.

I think the US recording industry, the copyrights, and these frickin' "legal" sites need to get together and realize that people are more likely to illegally download songs if the legal means is unfairly...well, just plain ridiculous. I am telling you, if the recording industry wants my money, they'd better let me listen to what I buy when I want, where I want!

OK. Off my soap box.

So, it snowed last night. It was enough to elevate my mood. The flakes were coming down and you could actually hear it. A sort of muted white noise. It was all very peaceful. I had been experiencing a bit of adoption blues right before that, but some of that washed away when I stepped out on the porch to view the wonder of nature that was falling on the world around me. This was all very nice until...

The wind began to blow a frigid arctic blast that took the snow which had managed to collect on the ground and blew it to somewhere, and I am guessing here, in Idaho. I believe the house moved a couple feet to the west, too.

Today, I will brave the cold and go out and get some of our decorations. I will also give the house a bit of a cleaning...depending on the amount of energy I am able to exert without depleting my reserves. Cora will probably be working on a dress. Right now, though, I am very interested in creating an edible work of art...that is breakfast or an early lunch.

Yes, I will start with some food first.

Ah...An Idiot By Any Other Name...

is still an idiot.

I worked with the district idiot today. I am certain that all businesses have their share of idiots, but ours is particularly sinister.

He is, underneath it all, a decent guy. Really...I am fairly certain of this. He offers to help with no hint that he expects a return. However, he tends to deliver monologues of mispronounced, mal-reasoned diatribes attempting to foment mistrust of liberals. His idea of satanic worshippers would be a group of Democrats. He lives to listen to Rush Limbaugh. He attempts to emulate Rush's arguments, however, his mispronunciations and obvious lack of knowledge provides for some entertainment. If Rush did not say it...well, you are wrong.

For a time we kept track of his mispronunciations and "new" words. I think we even had some of them written down. I can only remember their gist, however. The ones I DO remember are here: Spermacise: The fertilization of fish eggs by fish and wild life persons, however, he supposes all you have to do is have a bucket of fish eggs and fish sperm...and stir them together...presto! BABY FISH! Bat Out of Fire: Apparently a bastardization of bat out of hell. Still, it's interesting.

Last week he said something about a "tale boat." I assume he was talking about a boat that uses the wind for propulsion. Today, he butchered the English language so badly I simply had to leave. His arguments are circular and his logic is skewed. His facts...well, they don't seem to be what others would agree are facts.

Last week he walked into a room, occupied by men discussing the next step in an arduous day, and stated, "The Democrats have done it again!" I left the room. I imagine the others circled him with the intention of strangling him...it didn't happen...but I imagine it.

Another down side to him, is his apparent lack of personal hygiene. He smells. BAD. Ughh!

So, today he showed up and helped me and Twinky move some pallets...then he pushed himself into the cab of the truck and sat his odiforous body within smelling distance of both of us. UGH!! "I'll help you guys! No one else wants me." this said with a straight face...because NO ONE wants him!! ARGH!!!!

Fortunately, all bad days must come to an end!

Ah, tomorrow has to be better!

Better Dilate Than Early

I like to drive. I loved getting my license. I would sit in my 1965 Plymouth Valiant for hours before I got my license. I did not enjoy working on it, but I liked sitting in it. When I finally got my license, I would leave for "drives." I would not go far, since for the first several months that I drove it there were holes in the gas tank at about the half-tank level. So, my range was, shall we say, limited. Still, I loved the freedom.

I lived in the Yakima Valley most of my life and so rarely had the opportunity to drive in large cities. When I did finally get the chance, I liked it. I love Seattle and I-5. When we moved to California, I loved I-80 in Sacramnto...seven lanes! And speeds were often 15 or 20 miles an hour over the limit...just to keep up with traffic. I would not call myself an aggressive driver, more of an assertive driver. Cora might sometimes simply shorten that description to the first three letters; actually, I think she has.

She also might say I have road rage issues. I disagree. I sometimes have problems with other drivers. It is hardly my fault that they don't drive fast enough or, conversely, they don't drive slow enough. They take corners wrong. They drive straight in just the wong way. They often don't accelerate fast enough, and some of them even have the nerve to tailgate me! So, yes, sometimes, rarely, really, I might possibly utter the odd four letter word under my breath, but I would never yell or make disparaging remarks about the other drivers' heritage.

I have driven in snow since I began driving. I have had my share of twirls, pirouettes, and other less ballerina-like maneuvers in the snow, but I feel I am fairly good at it. Especially when I am in my truck, even though I don't have snow tires or sand in the back. It will do amazing things with the flick of the wheel. I managed a 360 degee turn today in a circle of about 30 feet. Snap the wheel hard over and jam on the accelerator...perfect. Fun, too. Same maneuver can make parking a beautiful thing, too.

My truck, as I mentioned, hasn't got snow tires, nor is it a 4x4. I usually drive accordingly. I have a good idea of how long it will take to slow down or stop, since I test it every once in a while. I have made it through many winters with just a 2 wheel drive. I have seen many 4x4s in the ditch while I drove by smiling.

Today, I saw an idiot driving one of those 4x4s. It didn't dawn on me why he was an idiot for awhile. I just knew he was an idiot. Finally I had it. He kept tapping his brakes. But why? He was following another car way too close and every 7 or 8 seconds would tap his brakes. I followed him from a constant distance...and still, never tapped my brakes...just take your foot off the accelerator, stupid jerk! I would have flipped him the bird but (a) it was dark...and (b) I would have probably gotten frost bite if I'd rolled the window down. So, I want to take advantage of my doubtless wide readership to share my season's greetings to that meat head: Person in that white F-250 that I followed tonight, you are an ASS. HO HO HO. La La La Laaaaa.

OK, now that I got that out of my system I feel better. Maybe even a bit more cheery!

I had an eye appointment today. My optometrist told me, quite as though he were discussing the weather, that the perscription in the eye that I got poked in is extremely strong. I looked at him expectantly. He did not disappoint. He said my perscription is in the top 3%...or, as he explained, only 3% of the population has perscriptions stronger than mine. Hmmm, that is interesting...if a little bothersome.

Then he changed the subject and said he wanted to dilate my eye, which is not to say that my eye will live longer than me, but rather that he would put some drops in my eye to make my pupil open WAY too much for normal vision. Yippee, now can I have a tooth removed, too? Well, the verdict was positive. I am just going to get another set of contacts for the same perscription.

Come to think of it, the dilated eyes might be why I was so angered at the idiot in the F-250 flashing me every 7 seconds with his too bright tail lights. I arrived home with a headache. Ahhh, this is the life.

Long Hot Day

I knew it was going to be hot today when I wanted to turn the air conditioner down further at 5:30AM. We began with our traditional break. Then we broke to work. I and the other sub needed to bring three pallets of surplus books from the elementary. But first, we needed to empty the food service van, which my associate had thoughtfully filled with siurplus computers but had not emptied. I found that yesterday, and I was not happy. So, we emptied the van, ten got the books. It was hard, heavy, and hot. All that "fun" was compounded by the fact that my cohort is, while well intentioned, not the candle with the longest wick.

I've noticed, lately, that he removes the keys from every vehicle he drives. That is something that is a bit of a pain if you work for a school district. There are all sorts of occasions where you need to get through to something, but someone else's vehicle is in the way. If they leave the keys in you can move it and go on with your day. (also, he does not even have pockets, so you can't rely on him to open gates or doors without handing him your own set...and THAT is annoying, because he does not remember to give them back)

After lunch, he went to the elementary to finish the "small" mowing. There is a mower at that school. I took the big mower over to the other elementary and mowed. As I was finishing up, I lifted the front deck and the front guide wheel just fell off! The linch pin that holds it in place had disappeared, as had a few spacers. I rescued it and began my trek back to the shop to fix it, but the maintenance man for that school told me the other sub had run out of gas and then had to leave for home. I said fine. I would fix that and then fix the Big Mower. The heat caused the breeze to be tepid across my face while I drove back on the mower. I got to the shop and parked the mower. I went to the van, which the other sub had left out front, with the main garage door to the shop wide open (when there is no one specifically at the shop, we close the doors...keeps tools from walking off). Amazingly, he had left the keys in the van, so I did not have to go back in and get them from the breakroom. I filled up a can of gas and left. Here is a picture of me in the van on my way to the elementary to rescue the mower, note I am happy at this time. I did not take pictures of me after I discovered the predicament Tootsie Roll had left me in.

I got to the other school and there was the little mower...about 2/3 finished with the mowing. I looked at my watch and decided I could finish it in time to go home. I filled the mower with gas and then flipped the seat back. I was about to get on it, when I noticed that the keys were missing. I thought, "how appropriate." I walked back to the van, figuring Mighty Mouse had left the key in the van. No such luck. I called the other maintenance man (let me just come out, it's my Father-in-Law) and asked if he knew where Twinky had left the key. He did not answer. I stomped back to the mower and continued to marvel at Muscle Brain's logic. Tae the keys out of the mower that was out of gas and would not go anymore, but leave the keys in a decent school van, next to a shop with its door wide open and no one around to say, "Stop stealing those tools!" Just brilliant.

.

I walked inside the school and found the custodian and asked if Meadow Muffin had left the key with him...NOPE. I finally had to push the damned mower around and into the building...that was no easy feat. I was sweating heavily...and irritated. I finally got back to the shop and walked in and put away the keys. I glanced at the table with the intention of leaving note for the maintenance guy who comes in first on Monday about the mower behind his Polaris. It was then that I saw the mower key. I was moved to cursing. I saw the words on the piece of paper under it. "Keys to mower at TH." Instead of yelling out loud, which would have startled Oprah the shop cat, I left these words below his: "How useful to have them here!"

.

I shut down the lights and left. What a wonderful day. I went to the bank and cashed in $126 of coins.

.

I took the camera to work today. I stopped a coulple times to take pictures. These are about the only things from the day that made me happy. I took some pictures of pears nearing ripeness and apples, sorry they are a bit blurry: I forgot to go to macro. I also took a few pictures of hops.

I also took a picture of the painting I put on the bathroom wall in the breakroom. What do you think?

Stupid Hurts

"Everybody knows the world is full of stupid people, so meet me at the mission at midnight and we'll divy up there." "Been around the world, and found that only stupid people are breeding, the cretins cloning and feeding, and I don't even own a tv" These are lyrics to songs that were popular some years ago. The truth is, there are stupid people out there and they affect you and me. It is only a matter of time before one of them wanders into you personal space and tries to suck you into their world of dumb.

I have known many stupid people. I know what you are thinking, "Jim, you should not judge people like that." All I have to say is, "Yes, I judge others alot, but how else am I supposed to feel superior?" but, besides that, which is usually done in the spirit of fun, there are bonafide, certified, no-doubt-about-it stupid people wandering around as I write this. Chances are you know one of them. It is unlikely you are one of them, since you are reading my blog.

Stupid people walk into truck stops and ask if they have a bathroom. Chances are they are standing below the restroom sign. Stupid people ask about the obvious. Someone asked the other day what mountain that was. He has lived here his entire life and never thought to ask which mountain looks down over the valley in which he lives? You mean that BIG one? "Uh, yeah, is it Mount Rainier?" My answer was simple, "What other mountain would it be?" Apparently, said Mensa member had never looked at a map of the state of Washington. There is yet another idiot I work with on occasion, and I do not fear he will see my site because I am fairly confident he could not type his own name, could not figure out the most obvious of things. Actually, I have two stories about this particular idiot. (bear with me, I need to get my annoyance with idiots and stupid people out before Tuesday, for reasons I am not allowed to explain.)

First, last year, this idiot needed to glue some carpet down. I don't remember why he needed me to be there, but I was there. Everyone is familiar with those tubes they use to dispense caulk. At the very least, you have seen them. OK, so, they have the nozzle that you need to clip the tip off of. Pretty simple. Even the moron got that one. But, nothing would come out. What is the first thing you would do? Me? I would look down the hole. If I did not see something coming out, which is what the problem was for the genius (Obviously, I use genius with some frivolity in this post) but he did not look down the hole...he just kept trying to read the package. I told him there was probably some foil or other seal holding it back, so just go get a nail and poke a hole in it. He gave me that incredulous look you see in idots around the world when they hear somethin that reeks of reason or logic. He continued to try to read the small print. He said to me, "it does not say to do that." We argued about that for about ten minutes before he finally got a nail and poked it...low and behold, the gorilla glue began to come out...what was so difficult??????? I am not EVEN kidding or exaggerating about the TEN minutes he spent arguing that because it was not in the instructions, he should not do it.

Just a couple weeks ago he stopped to use one of the vans. This particular van has a switch under the hood that prevents the battery from running down. The switch is large and in plain sight. It says "ON" and "OFF" on it. When you open the hood, which is not difficult to find the latch to, you see this large switch out in the open. All you do is turn it to "ON" and close the hood. Jump in and start her up like any other vehicle. He has been working there for a few years longer than I. He has been a maintenance sub before. He has operated that particular van before (He admitted it). He needed me to show him how to do it...then, it has a lift gate.

The lift gate is somewhat difficult to get into place...not in theory, just in practice. You have to shove it into just the right spot. When it is folded up, in the position it always is, the handle is EASY to see. It just sort of sits there, a handle out of place...er...in place, whatever. He needed me to show him the handle. Then explain why it was used...I sware I lose braincells when he is around.

It is amazing to me that people such as this are capable of breathing and walking at the same time, and maybe they can't, maybe all they do is take deep breaths and stop often. I don't know. How did these people NOT get put into an institution? How did they avoid "Special classes?" There must be several villages missing their idiots.

It is fortunate that many people are NOT stupid. If there were more stupid people than there are (NO, NOT THAT!), the world population would reach a critical mass of stupid and perhaps all of us would file, one by one, into the ocean to our deaths, a la lemmings! Oh, the humanity...I don't think I can extend to my readers just how stupid people irritate and annoy and just make me want to pull my hair out. I also want to note that I am not a particularly great mind, I just can't abide stupid. There are many sayings about stupid people: I See Stupid People, Stupid Hurts, You Can't Fix Stupid, Stupid is as Stupid Does, and You Can't Polish a Turd (that last may not entirely apply to stupid people). Now I know why some animals eat their young.