Saturday, January 3, 2009

I Battled The Army, Single-Handed.

The recon team must have made it back to their headquarters and announced to their comrades that there was water in them thar walls and riches, too! The advanced guard set out immediately.

I stumbled into the bathroom the other night and noticed the scouts on the wall next to me. I dispatched them, but after sitting on the pot for a few moments and letting my eyes adjust I noticed that the main force was at my feet. I began to do battle, but soon realized the numbers I was facing were not just from a recon team.

I called upon General Common Sense and soon I knew what I must do. I marshalled my resources and opened up the arms locker. I know the Geneva Convention forbids it, but I am not a signer to it. Honestly, I did not think twice. I unleashed the hellish force at my disposal and I did not blink. I used Chemical Warfare! I watched them die. I watched them writhe in agony. I smiled.

Yesterday, I stepped into the shower and noticed the water washing a couple of them away. I thought it was odd that a couple were able to crawl THAT far after being sprayed. Then, I thought to look up. And yes, there, above me, on the shower head were two more! That was not all. Behind them, on the wall, was several hundred soldiers beginning a hasty retreat.

I had hoped that a couple survivors had wandered back and explained that the enemy had resorted to cruel measures and that there was no use continuing the occupation! Alas, it seems they had gone back with tales of great riches and much happiness. The Advanced guard had been replaced by the main army. I finished my business, while they took a few more losses. I returned with my chemicals! I rained death upon their masses! I sprayed every last nook and cranny! The line must have looked like the Iraqi Army fleeing Kuwait. I howed the ants the same mercy that our Air Force showed the Iraqis in 1991.

I annihilated them.

They rained down into the shower, where I rinse them down the drain. I have battled them before, and I shall again! Die Ants, DIE!!!!!

4 comments:

Grandma said...

Hooray for you, the only good ant is a dead ant.

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

Your killing me...
Have a Great Sunday..

Cora said...

It is the middle of winter for goodness sake. I thought winter was supposed to kill them. They must have bulit this house on top of the mother of all ant hills.

E said...

I bet you do have like this huge Ant farm under your house. We had a big problem in the summer and used the bait that they took home with them. They all died! Whahahahh.