Monday, November 22, 2010


Folks, please.  I know this white stuff coming from the sky scares you, but it isn't new.  REALLY!  It is just snow.  You remember, last year, about this time, the same thing came out of the sky and covered to roads and you acted JUST as surprised as you did today.  I know you folks have what they call nervous systems; I saw them operating in the most peculiar way today.  You were all...well, gun-shy.  Some might have called you retarded, but I prefer to use more sensitive descriptors.  you were afraid that you might...lose control.

Here's a thought, people, take your car to an empty parking lot.  In the snow.  Now, get into your car and play.  Yes, play.  Jam on the accelerator.  Stomp on the brakes.  Turn the steering wheel! See what happens!  Yes, it's exciting.  NO, it is NOT a video game.  You need to do this.  Also, next time you think it's slippery outside, take a moment when no one else is around and just jam on the brakes, see what it does.  Play around.  Don't do it on a 500 foot cliff, just a flat parking lot will do.  REALLY!!  This is practice.  When you figure out how to drive your car in a parking lot in snowy conditions, well, then you can do it when it matters and you won't be half as stressed.  Amazing reasoning, I know!

And, you know what??  It works!  It's true!  When you had driver's ed that many eons ago and they told you to turn into the skid, well, it's true.  I am here to tell you.  DO IT!!  Try it in the parking lot, then you'll be all, "I'll be damned, they were right!"  and you know what?  Next time you are in a situation when you're skidding?  You'll automatically turn your wheels the right way.

You can drive at a higher speed than you think and still be safe.  If you know how your vehicle behaves in snow or ice, you'll feel more confident and you won't jeopardize the lives of others.  You'll be home by the time the idiots come out and get into wrecks!

Honestly!  I went into town and found more idiots on the road than I could shake a stick at!  And I can shake a stick really FAST!!!  Yes!  One guy slowed traffic down SOOO much that once I got past him, even at the leisurely pace of 30 mph, I was ahead by a quarter mile in nothing flat...and those that chose NOT to pass him...well, they were still behind him, cursing his mother for not having a headache that night.  They also qualified for being stupid, unless, of course, they were simply surrounded by idiots, in which case, well, they were in the same boat as me.  I hate stupid people.

Oh, and speaking of stupid people, what about you people that work for US immigration?  Did you know that I-600 Adoptive Parents should be placed in a different category than I-800s?  YES!  You need to judge them by DIFFERENT standards.  Is that too complicated for you?  It isn't my idea, it's just the way it is.  But, if you don't know how to perform your job, you suck.

Because, now?  I want to come and visit you in your home Agent L.!  I want to explain to you every up and down that we have had.  Every up followed by a cataclysmic down.  Every smile that has been dowsed with a flood of tears.  Every time we think it's gonna be OK, we find out that we just made another mistake.  Maybe, you'll see we can't take much more.  Maybe after I explain to you all of the pain and suffering we have gone through.  Maybe after you cry at our losses and our pains, then you'll see that each of those are not just numbers or pieces of paper, maybe then you'll see a family.  Broken, waiting to be put together.  Maybe then you'll see.  Maybe you'll see that the guy who always makes jokes and tries to keep the spirits up is the one that is crying tonight.  Maybe you'll just pass that piece of paper as acceptable.  What do'ya say?  Is that too much to ask?  I just want to be a dad.  Or maybe you'll just send us a note that says "something" is wrong, but you won't say what.  Yeah, that's a good idea, why don't you just fuck up our life some more.  No one notices, no one cares.  Just go have a nice evening and forget.  I wish I could.

I'm sorry.  It has been a long and arduous day.  Maybe I can make you forget you read that last paragraph by showing us in the snow.  yeah, it's still coming down.  Cold.  It is friggin' cold out there.  My toes are just now coming back to life.  What?  You don't walk out into the snow just because your wife suggests it?  It seemed like a good idea before the circulation stopped.

  oh, and I wasn't the only idiot in the snow tonight, yet, I did not figure out a way to look so darned cute, like she did.
Yes, that is my wife.  She IS beautiful...even in the snow.  Of course, she had the forethought to put on a pair of Crocs, so she isn't grimacing, she is actually smiling.  She is beautiful isn't she?  Yeah, maybe it's time for me to go read a book and try and forget adoption for one night.  At least I can spend my time with a wonderful woman.  In the meantime, I hope you didn't drive like an idiot tonight.


SpunkyBookworm said...

I'm sorry you guys are going through this stuff right now. I was one of the idiots. It took me 5 hours to go 20 miles, and every time I sped up, the person in front of me put on the brake. I even thought I was going to lose the car to the barrier.

Tired. I'll pray for you. that's all I can do. In the end, it's gonna be worth it. Love to you both.

Diana - FreeStyleMama said...

Green crocs go with pink quite nicely!

I hope no snow for us today as Jake is taking his driving test.

Sorry you are dealing with idiots!