Monday, December 22, 2008

Better Dilate Than Early

I like to drive. I loved getting my license. I would sit in my 1965 Plymouth Valiant for hours before I got my license. I did not enjoy working on it, but I liked sitting in it. When I finally got my license, I would leave for "drives." I would not go far, since for the first several months that I drove it there were holes in the gas tank at about the half-tank level. So, my range was, shall we say, limited. Still, I loved the freedom.

I lived in the Yakima Valley most of my life and so rarely had the opportunity to drive in large cities. When I did finally get the chance, I liked it. I love Seattle and I-5. When we moved to California, I loved I-80 in lanes! And speeds were often 15 or 20 miles an hour over the limit...just to keep up with traffic. I would not call myself an aggressive driver, more of an assertive driver. Cora might sometimes simply shorten that description to the first three letters; actually, I think she has.

She also might say I have road rage issues. I disagree. I sometimes have problems with other drivers. It is hardly my fault that they don't drive fast enough or, conversely, they don't drive slow enough. They take corners wrong. They drive straight in just the wong way. They often don't accelerate fast enough, and some of them even have the nerve to tailgate me! So, yes, sometimes, rarely, really, I might possibly utter the odd four letter word under my breath, but I would never yell or make disparaging remarks about the other drivers' heritage.

I have driven in snow since I began driving. I have had my share of twirls, pirouettes, and other less ballerina-like maneuvers in the snow, but I feel I am fairly good at it. Especially when I am in my truck, even though I don't have snow tires or sand in the back. It will do amazing things with the flick of the wheel. I managed a 360 degee turn today in a circle of about 30 feet. Snap the wheel hard over and jam on the accelerator...perfect. Fun, too. Same maneuver can make parking a beautiful thing, too.

My truck, as I mentioned, hasn't got snow tires, nor is it a 4x4. I usually drive accordingly. I have a good idea of how long it will take to slow down or stop, since I test it every once in a while. I have made it through many winters with just a 2 wheel drive. I have seen many 4x4s in the ditch while I drove by smiling.

Today, I saw an idiot driving one of those 4x4s. It didn't dawn on me why he was an idiot for awhile. I just knew he was an idiot. Finally I had it. He kept tapping his brakes. But why? He was following another car way too close and every 7 or 8 seconds would tap his brakes. I followed him from a constant distance...and still, never tapped my brakes...just take your foot off the accelerator, stupid jerk! I would have flipped him the bird but (a) it was dark...and (b) I would have probably gotten frost bite if I'd rolled the window down. So, I want to take advantage of my doubtless wide readership to share my season's greetings to that meat head: Person in that white F-250 that I followed tonight, you are an ASS. HO HO HO. La La La Laaaaa.

OK, now that I got that out of my system I feel better. Maybe even a bit more cheery!

I had an eye appointment today. My optometrist told me, quite as though he were discussing the weather, that the perscription in the eye that I got poked in is extremely strong. I looked at him expectantly. He did not disappoint. He said my perscription is in the top 3%...or, as he explained, only 3% of the population has perscriptions stronger than mine. Hmmm, that is interesting...if a little bothersome.

Then he changed the subject and said he wanted to dilate my eye, which is not to say that my eye will live longer than me, but rather that he would put some drops in my eye to make my pupil open WAY too much for normal vision. Yippee, now can I have a tooth removed, too? Well, the verdict was positive. I am just going to get another set of contacts for the same perscription.

Come to think of it, the dilated eyes might be why I was so angered at the idiot in the F-250 flashing me every 7 seconds with his too bright tail lights. I arrived home with a headache. Ahhh, this is the life.


Cora said...

I could make a really long comment but you know how I feel so I will just say this:
Livin' the dream, Baby, we're just livin' the dream.

E said...

OMG! I think I was the car in front of the white F-250! I can't be sure, but unless there is more than one jerk out there, I swear it was him!

Anonymous said...

Was I the one who poked your eye?