Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Gods Must Be Angry...again.

At first, I thought I might faint, it was THAT gruesome...First, though, you have to hear it from the beginning.

I used to drink A LOT of Pepsi. I still CAN and DO empty two cans at lunch, but I don't drink it at night as much as I used to. Depending on the evening, it can be orange juice, grape juice, beer, wine, hard alcohol, water, tea, 7up, some mixture of the preceding, or whatever else happens to be on hand. I now wonder if maybe I should be drinking more given the scene I faced this morning. But, you really need to know how the day began.
Again, teachers have decided to work thus leaving me none. We decided that I should not wear out my welcome in the maintenance department too early, as I will be needing it for the days that the teachers aren't teaching during break. So, yeah, I kind of had another day off, but I have been spending my time cleaning around the house; you know, the stuff that doesn't get done during a normal day. This is the second day I have done this. I used Cora's car on Monday, and so have not used my truck since Friday afternoon.

Cora went on to work, and since there were no left overs from last night's dinner and I was not working today, I told her I would bring her lunch. I cleaned part of the morning, then it was about time for me to go into town and get lunch. I got my coat on and went to start my truck to get it warmed up. Crossing my fingers that it would have no problem starting, since I have not driven it since this COLD weather started. (It was only 10.2 degrees fahrenheit [-12 degrees C] this morning)

When I opened the door, there was something on my seat that looked like soiled ice...I stared at it for a few moments before recognition dawned in my eyes. Dread surged within me. I began to look for the source.

If you have been reading Cora's blog for while, you may already know what the source is. If you don't, then, after you read this head on over to this post of hers and you can see why I am familiar with the carnage I am about to describe. For those of you with weak stomachs, you may wish to go to your happy place...maybe you have a quartet there...but, I digress.

I turned my gaze first to the console where so many of my drinks languish unfinished, but nothing resembled the annihilation I was looking for. I looked to the dashboard, afraid of what I might find...nothing. I knew where it probably was, but I dared not look, still, I needed to know. I turned my attention to the back seat, more appropriately the space behind my seats. I don't really use the fold-down seats that are back there, mostly I use if for groceries and things...but, again, I digress.
The source of the hideous entrails was there. It lay on its side, still frozen in its last grotesque moments of pain. Its innards were all over the back of the seat and had even fallen in frozen pools into the jack compartment where it had been hiding. The bottom side of the cover of the jack compartment was coverd with its insides, and the force of the evisceration had dislodged the cover from its place. I reached in and gently removed its malformed corpse, now basically an empty shell. I stared at what had, at one time, been its insides.

I looked at its half-empty shell, it had once been whole, and was now so hollow.
I tossed it on the ground and began to clean its guts out of my truck before they could melt. I glanced at the roof of the truck, remembering Cora's experience last winter, but the blast had been contained. I thrust the guts onto the pavement. When I was done, I left for town and got Cora and me some lunch. Then went to see her at work. I came back and took pictures for you (you can thank Cora for that, she reminded me that it would be great blog material, which is also why you have suffered through this post with the barest hint of what it was about). So, now, dear blog-reader, I submit to you the pictures of the carnage...after the fact.
Empty Shell...
Guts, innards, entrails, Diet Pepsi.
A final look at the body.

You can bet I have no wish to anger the Pepsi Gods again, so I m busy drinking a cold one while I write. Pray you do not suffer the same fate! Drink Pepsi!


Cora said...

I have warned you do not mess with the Pepsi gods. I am glad that you found it before tempertures rose above freezing.

E said...

Ha ha, my Mom forgot two in the freezer!

Katie D said...

I came home from Portland one weekend and apparently my fridge was set a little too cold there. We got back and my mom started to yell at me for leaving my mini fridge, a can of pop had exploded in there forcing the door open and making a gigantic mess...on my birthday. So I understand your pain.