Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Butte of a Joke
Looking North toward Yakima through the gap. (Random picture)
When I first began going out with Cora, her sisters were 11. They were young and sweet, and mildly amusing. I was cruel. One time we took them to my house to visit with my parents. They were full of great questions and somewhat annoying as I recall. We got to my town. My parents live on a hill. I commenced driving around the hill. On perhaps the second or third trip past the same church they began to catch on. We had a great laugh.
One time I told them that the word Gullible was not in the dictionary. They argued with me. I told them, NO, LOOK IT UP! They did...and the humor finally dawned on them. They are in their mid 20s now. I have yet to allow them to live it down.
I have always been VERY serious. I never joke around and am always the guy who brings reason and logic to the situation. Not long ago, I discovered a coworker's vehicle...and I had just finished weeding a particular area. I decided that his car was too obvious, so I decided to camoflage it with the weeds I had just pulled. I was not quite finshed when he came out of the building...I am a fairly fast sprinter, which is fortunate, since he is a 6 footer.
I like to draw and like to lighten up our surroundings. I have left some drawings for my coworkers. Just last week I left a picture of a gorilla on a white board for one of my coworkers. (it looked more than a little like him).
One time I was working as a custodian at the elementary. As I worked my way through the classroom, I noticed something. The teacher had drawn a semi-malformed picture of a brontasaurus(apotosaur for those of you who know such things) for the kids. I found the appropriate dry erase marker and replaced hers with one of my own. Satisfied, I turned out the lights and left the room. A few days later, I saw the teacher and she asked if I had drawn the picture. I sheepishly admitted drawing it, and she complimented me and told me the kids had been mystified as to where that drawing had come from. Since then, I take advantage of such opportunites. So far, the teachers like it.
Here are a couple words to consider: Democratical and debation.
Democratical as in: The Democratical Convention took place this week.
Debation: When congess is trying to decide something important, they can spend hours in debation.
Our other sub gave us these beauties this morning. We usually get made-up words from another coworker. This guy thinks Rush Limbaugh is the Bee's Knees. This guy has given us many gems, like: "Spermacize," "Bat out of Fire," and "Castrator."
Spermacize: When the Fish and Game people want to make baby salmon, they take salmon eggs, then they SPERMACIZE them with sperm from a male salmon. (we mere humans use the word "fertilize.")
Bat Out Of Fire: When the lights went out on John, he came out of the basement like a BAT OUT OF FIRE. (Most of us normal people would probably say "bat out of HELL.")
Castrator: When you go into the hospital for surgery, they will put a CASTRATOR in you so when you pee it goes down the tube and ino a bag. (I think the word Einstein was looking for was "Catheter.")
Another genius I work with has been in the position I am in, that is, he was a maintenance sub. He worked in mainenance, though how he did so without killing someone else or himself is beyond me. Now he is in a safe place. He is a custodian.
One assumes he used the same equipment I do everyday. He had to ask me how to take down the gate on the van the other day...a little experimentation reveals a six year old could do it. One time he was supposed to glue down some carpet...it was gorilla glue in a tube...(tell me if you have heard this one)...he could not figure out how to get the stuff out of the tube. He kept reading the tube for specific directions. The little gun thingy has a rod on it for breaking the seal. His coworkers have several other stories of dumb.
Last week I was in a hurry. He pulled up in his truck with a coworker. He got out and asked me if I knew how to operate the forklift. I said "yes" and started to push past him. He said can you show me how? I said "push forward to go forward and backward to go back." I went off toward the van amid accusations of being grumpy. I stopped for half a second and asked his corworker: "Can't he drive a forklift?" She said, "Hell, he can't drive a truck."
Fortunately, I do have a few people at work who are mentally functional. Still, the ones that are not...functional...are at least entertaining. We cool kids marvel at their stupidity.
We noticed Gypsy has started doing something a little different, lately. She has recently been a fan of the window, but until the last couple days has remained on the floor on all fours. Yesterday, Cora noticed she had taken Toby's normal post...the chair! Here is the one picture I could get before our shy girl vacated her position.
And, of course Toby...he isn't spoiled.