So, I worked hard yesterday. Sweated with the effort of teaching and molding young minds. Despite my exhaustion, I did not go straight home after work, even though I wanted to. I decided to get supplies from town. I stopped at the store of necessity (read liquor store) and the grocery store, where I also got necessities, like sweets and chocolate and ice cream and even some vegetables for dinner.
All day, at the back of my mind, there was the threat Cora had issued toward my beloved Adoption Spoon. A spoon I had carved several years ago. I had attempted to approximate an African carving look. Cora has not liked it, ever. I inserted a nail in the back of it, to allow it to hang on the wall. Cora has not been receptive to this ART PROJECT in the least. In fact, she has questioned its reasons for existence. To which I responded by calling it a Fertility Spoon. It obviously has not worked.
I recently found it in one of my drawers, and knowing Cora’s deep fondness for it, put it on the wall. It was next to the front door. I did not pay close attention to it, since she said nothing about it. Though, it did disappear. I rediscovered it in another drawer. I clutched it to my chest and decided the best place for it was next to the toilet. Ever appreciative of public relations, I rechristened it “Adoption Spoon.” When she came home, I decided to remind her, should she ever forget, “You know I love you, right?” She was immediately suspicious of me ( I will never understand why)
Cora has blogged about it at “littlemisswhatshername.,” though, I believe she has blown some things out of proportion. Specifically, she calls it hideous. She screamed and removed it. A little later I found it again. This time I put it in a much more conducive place, where its mystical adoptive powers might work better; directly above her side of the bed…on the ceiling. She removed it promptly. Once again, I recovered the mystic spoon. I waited until she was at work and placed it at the apex of our ceiling on the wall.
So, these things were at the back of my mind while I was in town. At a height of approximately 9 feet, I suspected it was pretty safe, but Cora is pretty resourceful, and more than a little diabolic. I know she usually gets off work around 430 or 500PM. So, she does not arrive home until about 500 or 530PM…usually. I left the school at about 335PM. I rushed to the store of necessity. We have been running low on said necessities…and for crying out loud, it is the weekend. I got said necessities and then headed for home. I looked at the clock and then thought back to the previous night. I had had a sweet tooth and we had very little to solve said tooth. The clock showed about 10 minutes after 4PM. Cora would not be home for awhile yet, my spoon was probably safe. I headed for the grocery store. I quickly got the veggies, sweets, and ice cream, bantered briefly with the checker and sped for home.
Ah! I entered the outskirts of town and it was just 438PM. Cora should not be home for awhile. I got to our street and began my turn…”Ahhhh, Crap!” My beloved wife was home already! Usually this was a blessing. Today, however, I worried for my spoon.
She opened the door with a smile on her face. I don’t believe it was because she was happy to see me. More likely, her smile involved her activities in redecorating. She asked me if I had checked my voicemail. I had not. A look up to the apex of the ceiling. The spoon was gone. She gave me some cockamamie story about Mormons and their taking of my beloved spoon…I doubt her truthfulness.
I unloaded the groceries, then checked my voicemail. It was Cora. “Ya know I love you, right?”