Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Gump Reasoning and Things I've Never Done.

There are many things I have not done in my life. A few I regret, but others I am quite satisfied with. I have never changed a diaper. I have never flown an airplane...not yet, anyway. I have never installed an underground pool. I have never been arrested. and I have never cleaned an oven...at least until today. I kinda wish I had keep up my record. I think I tried once in college, but it was half-hearted and was not such a bad experience.

I must have angered the substitution gods. this is my second day without a job. I ran into town and got some distilled water so I could do a water change for the fish tanks. I also dropped off a coffee for Cora, then took the long way home...hmmm, isn't there a song with those words as lyrics? You know, take the long way home...no?
So, here is one of the fish tanks still stirred up from my actions.

Anyway, I did laundry and dishes yesterday, so there wasn't much of that left to do today. I told Cora I would clean the oven. She has in the past declared the oven a necessity to clean. I usually ignore her. She ends up doing it and is generally not happy when she does, so I try to keep the subject of the oven away from her. Today, I discovered why she wrinkles her nose at it. In the past I have basically figured anything that gets up to 400 degrees Farenheit is clean enough for me, besides I never put food directly on it. The other day she mentioned that she might be cleaning the oven soon. So, I got this wild hair (or is it hare?) up my butt today, I'll clean it for her! What's worse is I told her ahead of time, so she will expect it! Next time, I'll just buy her flowers.

I got the oven cleaner out. I read the back for instructions. It called for rubber gloves, a rag, and some way to keep the time.
So, I gathered all those items together and one extra that I figured would be a luxury whilst I performed this easy task. Rubber gloves? Check. Rag? Check! Timer? Check! Oven cleaner? Check! Beer? Check! (the luxury item is a beer if you weren't paying attention).

Oh, and you'll need an oven to clean...yep, no problem! Check!

I took the spray and looked at the active ingredients. I mean, why should I wear gloves? Sodium Hydroxide...isn't that like the opposite of an acid? Should be fine. Makes sense, acids are bad. If it isn't an acid...well, that's good, right? Sounds like Forrest Gump figuring something out, but I'll be fine. Nop one ever claimed i sound like a genius in my head. I'll wear the gloves anyway, though. Who says I am not safe!? So, I pulled on the gloves...hmmm, apparently you should not keep rubber gloves for extended periods of time in places where the temperature can go from the 100s to the teens during the year.
Yep, this is how both gloves ended up...cracked. well, who needs gloves!?! I ain't no sissy. I sprayed the interior of the oven after removing the racks. Huh, it isn't fun to breathe, but it isn't THAT bad.
I took the racks out to the slab and sprayed them there. I took a rag and rubbed them off. WOW! Shiny! Oops, missed a spot. So I sprayed them again. A slight breeze came up. The spray drifted back toward me and settled on the inside of my forearm. Hmmm... "That doesn't--well now, that's downright unpleasant." I don't know if it was the fact that my arm had a slight sheen of sweat upon it and the spray reacted to it, or if maybe I have a strangely large number of nerve endings in that particular part of my arm, but it began to sting. I went inside and rinsed off my arm. So much for Gump Reasoning...

Well, while I am here in the house, I might as well check the oven. Hmmm...is that mustard gas? Hmmm, my eyes are stinging...is that supposed to happen? OK, is that the oven wall melting off? Nope. I could have sworn that the oven was cleaner than this. Maybe I should not have volunteered for this.
It's a good thing I have this!!
Maybe it is a good thing I kept Cora from doing this...here is the rag...and I think I may need to do it again just to be sure it is up to Cora's standards.
I also told her I would clean up the old washer and dryer in the hopes of selling them on Craig's list. Yeah, this is gonna be fun.
Why didn't I just tell her: "I am going to skulk around the house today, maybe I will sunbathe and drink beer..."
I am gonna need more beer by the end of the day!!

3 comments:

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

You are cracking me up..
Man you have been doing a lot of cleaning.. I think all this cleaning is going to make BB"s Travel come ..
I just feel some good news.. and you know itis not the girls..
Well hope Cora is surprised..
have a great evening..
oh by the way.. what are you cooking for dinner..????

Grandma L said...

Hey Forest, I definitly think you need more experience cleaning ovens and I have one I will be kind enough to allow you to practice on.

E said...

Heck, just don't use the oven like me and you never have to worry about cleaning it!