Teeth Cleaning 101

OK, some things to clear up before hand: 1. I am NOT a dental hygienist. 2. I do NOT know what actually goes on at dental hygienist school (They DO have a school, right?). 3. These are merely suspicions that I am voicing, if they are wrong, please don't bother to correct me: if I don't care enough to Google it, I probably won't bother to put much effort into reading your comment. That said, let me get to today's post.

I went to have my teeth cleaned today. I don't enjoy it, but it needs to be done. I often have a problem remembering...unless a tooth is killing me...an appointment. To prove this, I missed the appointment I had last week. I called and rescheduled. I went in today. I did not see the hygienist I normally see. This was a new one, but she left me wondering about a few things.

1. What is the percentage of patrons that return to a hygienist that gives them lectures about tooth care? I am betting not high. I know I have poor hygiene, why do you think I am having you clean my teeth? OK, not the best argument. I have poor eating habits, poor drinking habits, poor driving habits...and there are many more habits I have that are poor..., yet, a guilt trip never fixed those. I don't need a guilt trip and I don't need lectures. Did they teach you to do that in school? Probably not, huh? you came up with that one yourself, didn'tcha? I will be returning to my normal hygienist, thanks.

2. (I've mentioned this before, I know) What makes you think I want to talk? I think it is bad enough that the person that cuts my hair wants to talk about everything. Is it REALLY SOOOO rude if I just want to sit quietly and let you do your job in silence?* Did they tell you to talk incessantly during the cleaning in school? You DO realize it is difficult to give more than 'yes' or 'no' answers when someone has sharp tools digging in your mouth, don't you? You DO get cleanings of your own, right? Haven't you noticed that? OR MAYBEEEEE, your hygienist doesn't ask you stupid questions! Here's an idea: If you HAVE to have an answer, just make the question answerable via sign language! Oh, and keep in mind I only know curse words in sign language!

* Is it REALLY silence if you have a radio station different from the rest of the dentist's office playing? And the humming! Do you realize that humming is bad enough when you do it in tune, but, you took it over the edge when you managed to screw up the harmonics, tune, AND tempo. Also, your hum...it sounded like you were gargling broken glass...well, sand.

3. Leave the billing questions to the billing ladies. I will take my insurance card, which seldom sees the light of day, out when they need it. Do NOT expect me to remember all the details on it...that's why I have a card! "Is this still your insurance?" I don't know! It's on the card! Our insurance has changed several times over the years. I gave up trying to keep up with unimportant, seldom used crap like that years ago...I have that information on a card somewhere, dammit!

4. Those sharp metal thingies...didn't they use to tell me not to put sharp metal objects in my mouth? Ok, Mom told me not to do it...but, you know what I mean. Still, are you sure you should be doing it? Fine, maybe they teach that at your "SCHOOL." But do you have to make it feel as though you are prying my bottom front teeth out with an ice pick? I am definitely NOT enjoying THAT!

5. This last one is for dentists in general: that suctiony tubey thingy. Do you ever change it? I know you have extras in your drawer (I was nosey when you left), but I have never seen you put a new one on...and it seems to have old tooth marks on it...are you re-using sucker tubes? I think I would be more comfortable if you took one out of your drawer when I walk in and put it on the sucker-hose. It could be a dirty one, but at least you would put my fears to rest...it's all about how you sell your product: in this case, it's hygiene.

So, yeah, the only reason I return...well, it's because all the other ladies are so nice.