Bad Beginning?

So, this morning I didn't have to be to work until 8:15am. That's a damn sight better than the 7:15am I did last week. This was in Wapato again, about 12 miles away. I decided I could leave a few minutes before 8AM and be there on time. As I was filling my bag with a few Pepsis and some candy bars the fish tank light started buzzing. I glanced over to find the fish tank dark. The fans were buzzing, but no spark of light at all. I shook it and I tapped it. I turned it on and I turned it off and on again. I plugged it in a different socket. Nothing. It appears to be dead. I put a smaller lamp next to the tank. And the coffee pot was empty. I glanced at the clock and I had to leave.

I got in the truck...8:08am. I jammed my foot on the accelerator and pushed the speed limit, only to follow a slow car, then I was free to speed. Then I got stuck behind a bus. And then another slow car. And this was my first time teaching at this particular school. As if my choices were not bad enough, I turned left when I should have turned right. "Ahhh, the teacher's parking lot is WAAAYYYYYY over therrrre." "Crap, I have to follow three more buses and wait for five different cars." I looked at the time, oh, 8:28m...nice and late. "Good way to make an impression."

I walked in after parking in the student drop off parking lot. It saved five minutes I am guessing. I checked in and she did not have my roster...I had to wait for that. I made it to the classroom and discovered a lady coming out. I inquired as to her nature, wondering if she was the teacher, she was the substitute for Thursday. I was scheduled for today and Friday strangely enough. I get territorial, so I was wondering why she was in my space. She did not know the Teacher had another sub today. And, apparently, there was one there yesterday, too. I thought it did not bode well.

The morning with the kids began well enough, until we got to the math packet...it was then that I realized in the intervening years since my last math class, I have forgotten a lot of unimportant things about math. The one that stumped me for awhile was: 5k+2k=42, solve for k. I was totally, like, "WTF?" These are fifth graders! Who would teach them such things!?!?!? This is just asking for Atomic Bomb Science Projects in junior high! I remember the movie "Men in Black," where Will Smith shoots the little girl in the shooting gallery and points out that those physics books are "Way too advanced for a girl her age." After a few attempts I began to remember a few things about algebra, and was able to match my work with the answer sheet. So, except f0r a fair bit of worry at the start, math went well.

I took them to music, but they were very noisy in the hallway, we stopped five times while I explained to them my expectations of them in the hallway. Over and Over. On the way back from music, I explained to them my expectations again. This time I promised to keep those who were uncooperative in from lunch recess. They complied!

The wonderful teacher left me a science experiment...yayyyy...NOT! Science experiments are usually messy, this one promised to be doubly so. We were testing several liquids for starches. The use of iodine was in order...and we all know how iodine can stain. I thought it was only a matter of time before someone took a pipette of iodine and squirted it at another. I spent a full fifteen minutes going over my expectations and veiling threats to any who might decide to try my patience. Surprisingly, I think the kids learned something (Why am I always surprised that kids learn something when I am around?) from the whole thing. Even more surprising, no one spilled anything of note. No one squirted another...I was amazed.

Then I sent them off to recess and lunch. I had my own healthy lunch: candy bars from Halloween and Pepsi. About two minutes before the kids were to come back the most piercing, sharp, intense, and painfully searing sound I have ever heard began issuing, or perhaps the better word is SCREAMING from the walls. It was a fire alarm. I usually get a little warning. People are usually just nice like that...not today. I grabbed the little emergency book thingy and headed for the place where all the hallways meet, hoping to find someone from my class.

When I got there, I found a few slightly disoriented teachers and a taller lady with a nametag that I took to be the principal. She gave me a searching look that seemed to sear into my soul. I busied myself looking through the emergency book confidently until her eyes went elsewhere. By coincidence or luck, I am not sure which, one of my kids walked by and said, "There's my teacher!" Which gave me an excuse to move out of the principal's piercing gaze.

I followed the kid out to the fence and found my class leaning against the fence looking bored. I began calling role. Everyone was there. I asked them to line up. Then I told them to line up. Then the neighboring teacher chewed out one of my students for sitting on the ground. Then I chewed him out. Then I chewed them all out for not being in a line, the whole time unsure why I wanted them in a line, but certain that was the best place for them. We finally were cleared to walk back in.

They needed to clear their table before heading back to class, so I walked in with them to the cafeteria. The Principal was in there...looking severe. While my kids busied themselves clearing off their table I introduced myself. She smiled warmly at me and I figured out why she had been so searching. I told her today was my first day subbing in her school...She explained that this was her first year as a principal and their first real fire drill. She had thought I was the fire marshal guy, beginning to check off how bad her school was in his book. I thought she just didn't like subs. We snickered over that and then my class was ready and we left. She seemed like a really nice lady.

It was nearing the end of the day and I had managed to mangle nearly everything, yet it all turned out o.k. Then this lady walked in the door. She said she was going to grade some papers in the back, and not to mind her. I said, "By all means!"

She asked how the day had gone, I said, "Fine, apart from the fire-drill." She asked how the science lesson went. I said it went extremely well, even though I had expected a mess and a cluster. She laughed and said, "Sorry." It was then that I realized she was the teacher.

I chatted with her while the kids did their thing. Then I began to get them ready to leave. I joked with one of the kids and then called them to attention and reminded them of my expectations in the hallway. I came back to get my stuff and the teacher asked me to leave her my contact information because she liked the way I interacted with the kids. She said my approach was nicely balanced. I was laid back enough to joke with them, but I was stern enough to get them to do what I wanted them to. I think I may have blushed.

I enjoyed the rest of the day! To top it off, Cora had a good day, too!

Visit With Sister And Teaching!

Saturday, my sister had a Scentsy Open House. Cora and I drove on down. We only planned to smell the Scentsy and drive home. My sister invited us to stay for dinner, though. Her chili was really good! I'd say the party stunk, but it didn't...the party goers, however, smelled. Some of them just sniffed. It was really fun. If you are interested in some Scentsy stuff send me an e-mail me, I cn get you in touch with her and she can get you some really good Scentsy stuff. I am partial to the Camu Camu...

My niece is NOT afraid of heights (Just like her uncle, seems to love heights). This is her on a ladder...look, no hands!

Cora and I got a few pictures of ourselves.

I love this picture of Cora...she is so pretty!

We got a picture of Scott...I think Eli too this actually, or maybe it was Emma...Sorry, Scott, it was the only one we got of you this weekend! Well, there was the EXTREME extreme close-up, but I thought you'd appreciate this one better.

Cora got some good Aunt-Niece-Time.

and, we really enjoyed ourselves. I don't usually post back-to-back, but the first post sort of lent itself to a story line, and I hope you will check it out, too.

We really had a fun time, Thanks Sis! We had fun! Can't wait for next time.

Today, I subbed at WHS. Freshmen, all day. It was fun. One girl in there...I think I have had her in almost every class I have taught there...cannot say the word "Obnoxious." I have taken great pleasure in using that knowledge. If she is getting noisy in class all I have to do is say, "Daisy (not her real name), you're obnoxious." She automatically tries to say the word and usually comes up with something like "ognop-shus." It's great, because it changes her focus from talking to friends to trying to say a specific word. Not only that, it is entertaining. Turns out she can't say biscotti or spaghetti. That kid is too fun.

I have a mark under my eye. Kids sometimes point to it (no, kids are still as cruel as they were when you were in school, I just am not bothered by it) and ask what it is, rather than saying it is a birthmark or liver spot or whatever the heck it is, I say I had a tattoo removed. Usually, there is some kid in class that somehow knows that convicts usually put a tattoo of a tear about there if (and I am not sure which is right) they kill someone or have lost a friend. They often whisper about that possibility. Rather than set them straight, I will say any number of things that might lead them down paths of reasoning that may not be true, but perhaps will gain a little "street cred" with the kids. I will say things like, "I am glad to wear real clothes and not those one-piece orange jobs." "I'm not supposed to talk about the tattoo, I want to keep my job." "I had to get rid of it to work here." The more evasive I am about it the more they are certain I was in prison. "I'm rehabilitated now, but I used to get so angry." It is hilarious to have one kid have another ask about the mark. When I give them a noncommittal answer, they turn to each other and whisper about how it makes sense, or something like that.

It's frickin' hilarious! Some kids catch on. They look at me with a calculating eye. These, I usually give a conspiratorial wink...then they know they are in on the joke and they go with it. I did the whole prison tattoo removal thing in front of a teacher the other day, and she laughed about it and said, "They don't believe I got this in a knife fight, either." She showed me a scar on her throat...apparently a surgery scar. It's things like this that make it worth going to work. I love being a role model. I LOVE being a role model...Life is good.

Oh, and check out my "story."

A Story

Once upon a time, there was a little girl, a little boy and an Aunt. Everything was great until...

Their mother got a little look in her eye, and they knew it was only a matter of time...

before she turned everything...and everyONE on there heads!

Her insanity was contagious, though, and soon her brother caught the insanity as well...

And her daughter...

and her brother was scared!

But, everyone, eventually, got better. Even Uncle was better. In fact, he was happy to be better.

and the little girl got better too, she became a beautiful little girl...

and everyone was happy...THE END.

Stupid Post But Great Espanol!

Since about a month ago, I had been agonizing over a post for my airplane wreckchasing site. I had great big plans for it. It was my first post of a B-29 accident (For those of you who don't know, the B-29 was my first favorite bomber, and if you aren't a male, then you had just better go back to your Barbie Dolls and leave us men folk alone because you'll never understand it) and I wanted it to be special. I did a lot of reading. I read about the engines. I read about the economic, political, and military events of the era. I read about B-29. Then I read and reread the reports. I then wrote my post. Then I posted it, only a day late for the 62nd anniversary of the crash. I suppose it is acceptable. Given my other posts, I believe there to be fewer typos and mistakes, so all-in-all, it is a decent post. Still, sometimes you just want something to be more than it is.

So, what's next for that site? Obviously, I will try not to post anything before it is ready. I ordered some more information regarding the B-29, but I don't expect to see it for several weeks. I guess I will keep the posts just a little shorter. I like to post on that site a few times a month, but because that stupid B-29 post wasn't right, I put off posting to that site for over a month. Pathetic, huh?

So, I subbed in Wapato most of the week. It wasn't bad. I got stuffed into a Sped room on Friday when I was expecting to teach biology. It turned out to be a pretty good day, though, so I don't begrudge that change of plans.

I got complemented on my Spanish accent when I speak Spanish. Apparently I sound like I speak it better than I do...or possibly can. I have difficulty rolling my "Rs." One of the people I was working with asked me if I spoke Spanish, I said, no, very little. She seemed surprised because of the way I speak it. Cora suspects it is because I have learned a lot of my Spanish from kids who are native Spanish speakers. I suspect it is just 'cause I am...AWESOME!

The sun is shining outside. I suppose I had better get moving.

I'm Only a Violent Person When I Drive.

One of my pet peeves is people who go UNDER the speed limit. I am not talking about people who are confused about where they are going, I am talking about people who think they know what they are doing and simply cannot drive. The ones who look at you like you are such an ASSHOLE when you pass them, when THEY are the ones with a mile long line of cars waiting to get the heck around them!

I have found myself wishing for missiles, or machine guns, or laser canons, or phase weapons, or tractor beams to clear my way of the idiots that seem to crowd the road. For those of you who have met me, I am sure you might find this difficult to believe, since I am usually a very friendly and amiable individual in person. However, if you put me behind the wheel, I am a madman! For example, take my reaction to parking situations.

I also hate people who park in the wrong place. And by Wrong Place I mean where I want or need to park. I am not EVEN talking about the grocery store...I don't care about that. I am talking about in front of my damned house! I have exactly 50 feet to park two 20 foot long(roughly) vehicles . Oh, and let's not EVEN begin to mention what it looks like if I have company at my house! One neighbor is in the same fix, so I bear him no grudge. The other has a whole corner! The visitors to that neighbor always seem want to park in my tiny spot! Never mind that there is another 200 feet of parking space that wraps around the corner. I got home today and someone was completely in the spot where I usually park my truck. I know it seems petty, but, seriously, it is more than irritating, it can be a major inconvenience. Still, because I want to live in harmony with my neighbors, I have yet to say anything.

Oh, and I hate traffic. Can't everyone see that I (That's a capital ME) want to be somewhere? I am a very important person, dammit. MY time means something to me!

So, I decided to go somewhere this afternoon and the moment I turned the corner, thereby shutting off a few choices in navigation, I got stuck behind someone who should not be behind the wheel. I am not saying they were a hazard, weaving in and out of traffic, but it was the kind of person who is so timid that they let everyone at the stop sign go before them. They look both ways 26 times before they are certain it is safe to continue. So, she was traveling down the lane at a good 23 mph. I was kind of in a hurry. Don't know why, just was. So, I am a brilliant navigator and planner of routes. I decided that at 32 mph (which is what I figure she would travel on a road with a 35 mph speed limit) she would not have a chance of beating me if I took a slightly longer route at roughly mach 2. At the end of the road, she went left and I went right. I slipped the truck into afterburner and reached the next intersection by the time she had completed her turn and was beginning to speed up to 32.

I checked my vicinity to see that I was clear for a high speed turn. I completed my turn getting ready to really open up the throttle and realized... there was a cop in front of me... about a quarter of a mile away traveling in the same direction. Crap! I reduced my speed to roughly the speed limit and followed along, hating the cop for his presence every moment! I got to a place where I could see my destination and that it was closed for the day and that I was just too late. I decided to turn back home. So, I pulled up next to the damned cop, smiled cheerfully and waved. He was turning right, I went left...I only had to wait for the damned slow-lady to go by at 32 mph...yeah, this was a good trip...NOT!

I got home and parked behind the neighbors' stupid car, leaving 3 inches between our bumpers. I decided I could do what I needed to do at home. I proceeded to the back yard. I got my table saw going and a couple pieces of wood and a drill.

My beloved Laptop, old and frail as it is, continues to get more and more frail. The latest issue has been a terrible habit of the screen to just start flopping. I need something to stabilize it. This stupid thing will not stay open, or if it does, it wants to open all the way...thereby making it difficult to read the screen and type. I figured out the fix!

Notice the wonderful groove I put in the wood!

I think it is a wonderful thing!

What do you think? Pretty, huh?

"Voluntary" Donations My Butt!

So, I managed to get a job early in the morning yesterday. It was not a bad day. I happened to be subbing in the some area as Cora works, so I dropped by after work and said hi to her. Her office has been enjoying some electrical problems, there was electrician working on a plug. I decided that was a good time to tell the electrician joke my electrician friend told me: "Did you hear about the electrician that was SO dumb the other electricians noticed?" I think he either did not get it or he did not think it wise to laugh while his hands were so near live wires...maybe he held it in for later.

I then went and renewed our license tabs for both vehicles. I had withdrawn $100, expecting each to be around $40. After some difficulty getting Cora's car's license plate number totally incorrect, I had to call her. Then the lady said it would be $102!! I said, "Huh?" (I am well known for my quick wit and being well spoken, I think this episode is a very good example of my keen use of language to express myself ) I told her, "I only have $100...," holding up my five twenty dollar bills and waving them weakly. She said, "Just a moment." She did some more typing...similar to that airlines lady in "Meet the Parents." after A LOT of typing, she said, it will be $92. Continuing with my witty comments, I said, "Huh?" And she explained how Cascade Licensing (or is it the state) charges a "voluntary" parks and recreation fee of five dollars for every license renewal. She simply took that off. I'd love to know how this is voluntary if they don't tell you about it!!! I don't mind offering five dollars here and there for parks and rec., but sneaking it in on me makes me a little irritated, and I thought voluntary meant you knew about it. So, if you live in Washington and renew your licenses at one of those handy little places...make sure you know what they are charging you for...maybe you don't want to "volunteer."

Today I have two half days at different elementary schools...should interesting getting from one school to another quickly.

Tonight we get to see the new version of "V" on tv. I remember the first one in the early 1980s...My mom wouldn't let me stay up to watch the whole thing. I DO remember the baby alien lizard delivered by C-section though...I always have that visual when people say a baby was delivered by C-section...thank you 1980s television! I hope this new version has better effects! I would also like the story line and the lines the character speak to be stronger! Oh, and hopefully the background music is a little less like "CHIPs." Actually, we watched a couple of the old ones last night, and I would say the best description would be CHIPs + Synthesizer. Remember synthesizers? Wow! I must be getting old...none of the kids nowadays know how cool synthesizers were in my day.

Pumpkin Executions, 2009

So, Halloween was yesterday. Cora and I had been meaning to carve our pumpkins all week. We finally got to it yesterday. These noble gourds met their fates under our blades yesterday! Here you see Cora gutting hers. I'd already scalped mine.

Here is what our front porch looked like...still does. Looks all nice and Fall-y, doesn't it?

I think Cora's was a very classic look. It complemented our porch very nicely.

Given the shape of our other pumpkin (Thanks Mom and Dad) we decided to attempt a Frankenstein-esque carving. I looked for some on-line but decided to make my own, based loosely on some I found. Unfortunately, none of our Facebook "Friends" recognized it for the genius it was...Have a look. I think I did ok.

See the bolts in his neck? I think it's genius, really. Still, not everyone recognizes fine art when they see it.

We DID do some grocery shopping. I got the ingredients for Fajitas and began making it when I realized I had not picked up a fajita seasoning packet. I quickly got on-line and found a simple recipe. It turned out wonderful! I made REALLY GOOD steak fajitas.

Cora made pumpkin seeds...well, she didn't make them, she roasted them. I was amazed at how good they turned out! WOW!! I won't eat store bought if I have a choice, now!

No big plans today, I might do some cleaning. Cora is probably going to be working on a dress.