Friday Mud Madness!

It doesn't look the way it felt. Note the mud IN FRONT of the rear wheels...it was tense for awhile!


I was home alone yesterday. I thought I heard them firing at the firing center, so I drove up to the side of the mountain so I could look down on the firing center to watch them fire canon or machine guns. I have done that before. My truck is a two wheel drive and I just have road tires on it. There is a spot up there that drops down on the North side of the hill. You look out and all you can see is firing center land and NSA Spy Installation and satellite dishes. It’s a tad steep in the summer, but if it’s dry it isn’t too much of a fuss.

The south side of the hill was nice and dry. I didn’t think anything of it. I got to the top and it was a bit muddy, but I did not worry, I intended to turn around. No need to negotiate that steep part. The truck was pointed slightly down hill, but seemingly stable. I got out, but could not determine if they were actually firing. It was a bit chilly. I looked at the ground…muddy. Hmmm.

I got back in and put it in reverse…whirrrrr-rrrr-rrrr…shit. The road dropped down a little and turned to the left, but rose again. Safe. So, I drove on down around the bend, assuming when I reached the top it would be dry and I would turn around and not have to worry about that steep section further on. I got to the top, but the truck tried to side-slip its ass off the road everytime I tried to turn it around. Crap. I thought, maybe my memory is off…surely, I could have taken a different way last time had I chosen, I will do that this time…

Then I realize, too late, there is no choice in the matter. Despite every attempt, I could not turn around. Ahead of me is that horrid steep drop down, at the end of which is that STEEEEEP rise. I resolved to keep my speed up, having noted that the mud had gotten to two or three inches deep!

I made a run…a tad too gently. I got to a spot about a 3rd of the way up the steep side, after having had some intense puckering moments as the rear end had flirted with mid-air, I had hesitated in my application of full throttle. My wheels spun and it begn to slip back down the hill. I did this several times, backing up for another run, concentrating on NOT being stuck up there. Each time, back and forth, the truck managed to come ever so close to the edge of the road and the possibility of ending up on firing center property without benefit of being on all four wheels(as in rolling down the hill).

I am not sure if I am impressing upon the reader the sketchiness of this thing I was doing. I should have taken a picture, but, well, I was concentrating on keeping the truck on the muddy road. It is not a wide track. It was frustratingly slippery! The mud deepened as I was there. Everytime I backed up, I would steer one direction and the truck would not oblidge in going that direction, I would tap the brakes and it would keep moving backwards, or sometimes...SIDEWAYS! It seemed the truck was acting wrong.

Finally, I noticed I seemed to have more traction on the snow drifts…not much, but it did not create the drag and suction that the mud did, still, not enough to get past the mark I had reached the first time.

Then I noticed a little bit more traction on the weeds, where large rocks sometimes lurk. I decided to aim for that. I did not let off the throttle and mud flew. The ass-end fish-tailed, but when I reached the weeds, she started to move…with agonizing slowness. Finally, I felt I needed to shift to second. For a fraction of a second I thought I might not make it. I glanced at the tach, and it was in the red…I did not dare let off the gas, I was still moving. The shift to second did the trick and the truck crawled slowly up the hill…the whole time I was willing it up the hill as much as I was driving it. I could not get stuck and need to call for help! Parish the thought! Such embarrassment! Of course, there was the thought of the swift and painful death I might suffer at Cora’s hands…Why did I agree to that life insurance?

Finally, I made it though. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins INSTEAD of blood…I resolve to buy mudders before I do that again!!!

Patch of Goo

Alright, so I seem to be accident prone. I have known this for a long time. When I was a kid I was constantly twisting my ankles. I learned to do a back flip off the diving board and then promptly put a hole in my head that required stitches. One day I was helping my dad load a table saw into the back of his pick-up and it came down on my hand, it caused nerve damage and I got stitches. I rode my bike while camping and have a nice scar to show for the brilliant crash that should have been caught on video...I imagine there was flame and smoke incorporated, but none of the witnesses saw it. I was riding my bike down a hill and crashed into a parked car...yep, parked. As soon as I started driving, I got tickets. Soon after that, my car, a 1965 Plymouth Valiant, got into a disagreement with a 1983 Monte Carlo...my car won, my insurance did not. While I was working at a Subway, I was sharpening a knife...well, I probably did not need to sharpen it, and I did not mean to test it...that got me a few stitches. Then, of course, I got poked in the eye at work and got a detached retina for my trouble. Over the past couple years I have had my share of accidents at work. Need I mention the broken tires and stuck tractors?

Today, I decided, since I was the only one there (it was after three) I could just travel across town and use the forklift to move some composite railroad ties. They are kind of a plastic post. Local skateboarders have been tearing down the pile (they were removed from the old playground set) and using them for impromptu skateboard things (Sorry, I don't know the appropriate "Skater" terminology, maybe one of you can help? They sort of scoot their skateboard sideways across them). This use poses a safety and monetary hazard (safety for the kids and money for the school), so I decided to move them, if not back to the shop, at least to a better place.

Monday, I was going to use our forklift to move some pallets. The food service lady had been using it all day and it had been just fine. I was on it for 3 minutes and all of a sudden it felt like I was getting slapped on the ass! It sounded like I had some how wrapped a chain around the axle. I shut it down immediately! The fanbelt had broken and then taken a couple fan blades with it for good measure. The boss had them take it away to fix it and leave us a loaner. Well, I used the loaner today.

I got my load and decided to use the shortest route. that was in front of one of the wings of the school. It was blocked by a car, but I have driven on the grass before with positive results, so I did it again. Seems this time, despite my making sure the ground was solid, there was a small patch of goo...about 2 feet wide by three feet long...and it was apparently not fond of Hysters, because it tried to eat mine.

I found that I could not remove it myself (wheel kept spinning), so I enlisted the help of a new teacher...she thought she could solve my dilemma with logic ("If you just take the load off the forks...or we move...no, I don't know.")...she was wrong. She gave me a ride back to the shop where I got a tractor to use it to get the forklift out of the goo. I stopped to tell Cora I was going to be late first. Then I pulled the Hyster out and parked the tractor to finish my job. Then I drove the Hyster back by the house to tell Cora I'd be back. I put it in the shop, got in my truck and then had Cora drive me over to the tractor, which I drove back to the shop. Cora came and got me and I was done for the day...however, I had managed to stay over an hour longer than intended!

Cora, of course, will have some smug comment, but, I can't help my little incidents. It must be genetic, my dad has much the same luck. Well, at least we are closer to the weekend!