Showing posts with label kinders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kinders. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Witness

I taught kindergärtners the past two days. I have witnessed a few things. here are three in no particular order that had me grinning at one point or another (don't judge, somethings are funny, especially in hind sight).

  • A little girl had just gotten a drink of water, and stated to no one in particular "There is a lot of water in the sea."
  • A boy accidentally spilled his milk on the floor. After I had replaced it and arranged for it to be cleaned up, the youth said, "I didn't see that coming."
The third needs a little introduction, given that I may find a deluge of mail telling me how uncaring I am. Or, perhaps, how mean I am. Honestly, it wasn't my fault. I really am sympathetic to the various digestive, respiratory, and cardio-pulmonary systems of the students I teach. That said, here is the third thing I witnessed.

  • At the end of the day, I had bus duty. That meant that I and several other teachers watched the kids while they waited for the buses. That was going well apart from being cold and more than a little windy. Then, just as the final bus was rounding the corner in to view, a couple little boys in the line for the last bus called to me. One of them had been in my class today. After a little bit of talking at the same time, I gathered that the little boy from my class had to go to the bathroom. I looked at the bus coming up, then back to him. "Can't you hold it?" The answer was part grown, part moan, "Nooooo!" I looked to the principal and tried to get her attention, to tell her we needed to hold the bus for a minute or two. She didn't hear me. I turned back to check on the boy and his expression of consternation and, perhaps, pain changed to surprise and anguish. His entire body gave a slight convulsion and a dark stain began to grow on his pants, and then the flood really let go. The whole time he was trying to stem the flow with his fingers, which apparently on served to accelerate the flow, as you might with a garden hose...this merely made the spectacle a little less interesting than those waterworks outside those Las Vegas Hotels...instead of simply flowing down his trowsers, it came out away from his body and was caught by the wind. It spattered onto the pants leg of his friend. It left an interesting pattern on the ground, since it was not a completely free flow. With the flow of urine came the flow of tears. It was about this time, as my eyes took in and my brain cataloged the spectacle, that the principal turned her attention to the yowling mass that was three boys distressed over a natural body process in a most socially un-natural place! I stated the obvious. She said get him to the office to see if we could get a hold of someone to pick him up. Until then she would hold the bus. I pointed to the office, but made no attempt to grab his hand...or touch him. He followed. When we got in the office. I asked him if he still needed to use the bathroom. He said, "No." I guess that should also have been obvious. Still, I thought I should ask. And, he DID look like he was feeling better. We got the secretary on the case. I asked him if he wanted to wash his hands. He said, "Yes." His mom DID come and get him. Everything seems to have ended well. I, however, am left with an interesting visual, which I will probably never forget: that fountain of urine flowing from the pants of a young boy in the wind.
And I thought teaching would not be very exciting...what was I thinking? This is THE place to be!!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Kinder Madness Among Others

So, here are a few things I heard today in the kindergarten class I was subbing in:

  • I have a rainbow fish at home.
  • Aidan is calling me, "dude!" and I don't like it.
  • I'm already ready for recess.
  • Brenden says L-E-A-V-E-S spells level, but it spells leaves!
  • Is it time to go home, yet?

Oh, and here's a gem:

  • Child comes up to me and hugs me around my waist without warning. I pry child off, and ask why are you hugging me. "Because I love you." OK, I answer, "Go do your work."
  • Same child sneaks up beside me 20 minutes later and begins poking me in the side. I move to avoid this, and ask, why are you poking me? "Because I love you."

Ah, the joy and logic of kinders!

Speaking of logic, I thought I might share some of the keywords people have used to find my blog in the past few months.

  • 30 people searched for "Billy Mays must die."
  • 13 searched for "Awesomeness is free."
  • Aparently 8 people are interested in "Stupid Fish Names."

But lets ignore how many people dislike Billy Mayes, even though I agree wholeheartedly with them. I bet when he writes emails he uses ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! AND !EXCLAMATION!! POINTS!!!! I don't think I would want him s a friend...unless he was handing out cash, and even then, I would be forced to ask him to use his "inside voice." Let's take a look at some of the slightly less mainstream items that somehow brought up my site:

  • Peanut Jeff-fa-fa

I gues I am not the only one who likes Dunham.

  • Fresh turkey smell

Really, on my blog?

  • Husband cuts my hair

I am happy for her, but why is she searching for that?

  • A fresh turkey will smell

It will? Why are you searching for this if you are so sure? And what will it be sniffing for? Food?

  • A loss for words

Me too.

  • Are Mondays good days

I guess it depends on whether you work or not. You wouldn't be asking if you did.

  • Baby name smart dorky ansel

Now that's going to be one confused kid.

  • Cat scissor cut accidental

Hah! I am not the only one!!

  • Hey baby you wanna oxi clean my kaboom

Now, I think you are talking dirty to Billy Mays...

  • Grandma Movies

Or...maybe grandmothers...

  • How much plutonium 235 was in fat baby

Ok, dude, did you know that Plutonium bombs use Pu-241? It's also Uranium 235 they use in bombs...and did you also know that the bomb was called Fat Man and the other was Little Boy! Further, just because a baby is portly, why do you think he is full of heavy radioactive metal?

  • I wish billy mays would shut up

Me too!

  • Love is disappointmet haunted all of my dreams

What? Is that supposed to be lyrics of a song?

  • Thoroughly Thinking

I'm glad someone is.

  • Turkey fresh smell

The NEW GLADE scent!

  • Wine glass dish tip

For what?

  • Wish wedding never happened

Probably because you were asking for wine glass dish tips. He obviously realized you were an idiot.

So, there you have it. I'm out of stuff to say...well, that's not true, but I gotta go do stuff.