Kindergarten Woes

I subbed for a kinder class today.  I always know I'm in a kindergarten class room because there is not a minute to spare to look at the plans.

Here is an eight second excerpt from my day, it goes a little like this:

"Hi, Mr. H!!"  "Mr. H, look what I can do!"  "Mr. Awesome, you're a good drawer!"  "Mr. H, Claire pulled my hair."  "NO, I DIDN'T!"  "He hit me."  "Josh pushed me down when I was outside."  "I have to go pee."  "Mr. H, can I go read in the teacher's chair?"  "Mr. H, can you draw a dinosaur?"  "Mr. H, she's not s'posed to sit in the teacher's chair."  "He pinched me."  "Can I chew gum?"  "Mr. H. can you draw Sponge Bob?"   "Can you draw me?"  "When's lunch?"  "Is it time to go home,yet?"  "Hi, Mr. H! Draw me a picture!"    "Do you like horses?"  "Sammy put gum up his nose."  "I have a Hannah Montana shirt at home."  "Mr. H, why are you rubbing your forehead?"

All of these statements are uttered in varying volumes and at varying rates, but all are timed to coincide with each other, so as to make logical thought nearly impossible.  This barrage of questions, statements, and anecdotes are expected to be answered with split-second timing, as their little minds rapidly switch gears and a late answer only serves to confuse them and you.

My favorite answer is, "NO."

Another problem is personal space.  Five and six year olds don't appear to recognize that 20 bodies don't fit in a three foot circle, yet, that is how many of them they try to fit in to the three foot circle surrounding the teacher.  They also seem to think that you can't hear them that close unless they are bellowing.

Calm, relaxed, patient, and slow are not words I would ever use to describe a kindergarten class.