We Don't Need No Stinking Badgers!

Once, years ago, when I was a kid, I stayed the night with a cousin.  They had come into the wonderful world of Satellite TV.  This is back when satellite TV required NASA-sized satellite dishes.  Remember those?  I remember my dad rented one a couple of times.  They were on a TRAILER and you had to rent the BOX and the DISH and trailed the cables into the house.  THEN you could watch whatever was on satellite TV, which I think was HBO at the time.  Anyway, where was I?

OH, yeah.  When I stayed the night we watched the Disney Channel.  This was the late 1980s.  One of the shows that played was a story about a boy and a badger.  I always thought that badger was probably one of the coolest pets you could have.  Of course, later in the evening, after my aunt had gone to bed, we tried to watch the playboy channel, but got caught before we saw anything of educational value for a young teen-aged boy.  Oh, well, at least, I will always have the badger.

This morning, I drove over the small pass between here and the other town I substitute in.  As I crested the ridge, there was a small grey body with a white and black face.  A badger had been hit.  Of course, I was pushing the bounds of being on time, and probably the speed limit, so I did not stop to investigate.  I did, however, text Cora and tell her that a badger had been hit and where to find it, since it was on her route to work.

When she left for work, she let me know.  I told her to watch for the badger and then asked her if I had ever told her I wanted a pet badger.  She replied that she did not know that particular tidbit of information.  And, if you can believe it, she sent a "TONE" in her text that had no words accompanying.  Her "tone" said that if she had known that little snippet, many years ago, when I asked her to marry me, she might have had to think very long and hard about saying yes.

Anyway, I replied, "Oh, well, Honey, I'd like to had a pet badger."  She did not reply.

A while later, she texted me that the badger was cool and you don't see that often.

Indeed you don't.  My dad and I once found a dead badger...it had been hit by a car.  It spent a year and-a-half in the freezer before he finally arranged to give it to the museum to be stuffed.  On another occasion I was on a drive, one evening, looking for snakes (yes, I actually went out looking for snakes) and I saw a badger cross the road.  I stopped and followed this badger for about fifteen minutes.  I was within fifteen or twenty feet.  The badger ignored me.  He just sniffed around looking for whatever he was looking for.  I was wary, since those claws and those teeth looked more than a little threatening.  Still, it was quite a humbling experience, and it was, we gotta face it, cool.

So, I taught my classes and did my thing and thought about that badger.  I got off work and dropped by and said hi to Cora for a little while.  Then I went home, passing the dead badger, once more.  Sometime this afternoon, I sent Cora a text that said, "You know, I picked up the badger and brought him home. I think he's gonna make it.  He's resting on your side of the bed."

She replied, "Oh, thanks."

I replied, "I've always wanted a pet badger."  Then, " I think she is a girl badger.  Can we get a boy and have baby badgers?"  We followed that up with a general discussion of badgers and dinner.  Finally, Cora must have thought I was texting too much, because she told me to put the badger in the back yard and get back to house work.

Later we were in the middle of a text and I told her the "Badger is nuzzling me, ahhhh."  "Ahhhh-AHHHHHHOUCH!  THAT HURT DUMB BADGER!!!"  Cora replied with the three letters that sting so much:  "LOL  :-)"  Can you believe that?

My final text was, "Badgers DO NOT make good pets."

Of course, I was joking.  I did NOT really get the dead badger.  Though, I did ponder the idea that I should have pushed the badger off the road so she'd wonder.  But, alas, I hadn't done that.  I continued to work at cleaning up the house and getting the BBQ ready for dinner.

Cora pulled in.  I waited at the door to asked her about her day.  She looked at me and wanted to make sure I HAD NOT picked up the badger...apparently I had related the story about picking up the road-killed badger of my youth.  I said, "NO."  She said, "Well, it was not there when I went by and I got kinda worried!"

Gotta love the power of suggestion!  It made my night and we shall have Badger Stories for the rest of our lives!!!!